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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Showers, siblings and adjustment....Oh My!

I think it has been several weeks since I have updated about the happenings here in the Denzel home. I hardly know where to start so much has happened... XuXu saying her first English words, or using a spoon to feed herself, or her sleeping better and trying more foods or her first play date... (Here's a photo of XuXu and Jared).

She has even stayed in the child care at the Y, so Mommy could work out, pretty well a couple of times.
We also went to visit my dear friends, and Zion and XuXu's God parents, the Erbes. Stella and I have been friend's since 9th grade.



And we celebrated Rachel's re-adoption day (XuXu's friend who is also from China) and the end of her family's paperwork and adoption process! Rachel is official! Here they are playing in the sand at the party after the court ceremony.

Sorry that I haven't been very motivated about keeping up with what is going on. Sleep has been a priority... if you are watching a toddler all day you know what I mean. Also I'm trying to beat the funk I've been in with the anniversary of my mom's passing and Mother's Day giving me the one two punch. I didn't expect the feelings of grief to be stirred up as much as they were. Here are family photos from "visiting" mom on Mother's Day. The other family is my sister Gwenda, her husband Emilio and their daughter Giada with my dad.


So on with the update already...

I have been blessed so much by my loving friends from all the circles I move in. God has blessed me with amazing women in my life. XuXu has now been given 5 showers! 2 before we left for China and now 3 since returning home. About a week after getting home the people at Gospel Light, where Bill works, threw us a surprise shower. XuXu loved it and took command of the room immediately. Telling the grown-ups around her to give her the balloons and the candy etc. all by just looking adorable.

Then a few weeks ago some of the Moms in my son's first grade class (Tracy and Lauri) threw us a lovely luncheon shower... more adorable clothes and toys! Zion's sweet teacher Mrs. Guttierez (who is in her 70's and has been teaching first grade for over 30 years) came and gave her a cute story Bible that Zion can read to her. Also, his wonderful kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Stine, was there too. (She has been hoping and praying for XuXu right along with us since Zion was in kindy.) What a blessing the Mom's of the kids in his class are. XuXu really enjoyed that shower too. She loved being with people, eating the treats, and opening the gifts. She would say "Wow" and "Ooooooo" when I showed her the presents. Usually the baby is in the mom's belly at a baby shower and occasionally it is a newborn. But having the guest of honor be a playful toddler is so much fun. Here are some pics from this shower that Tracy and Lauri gave for us.






Then two of my closest and dearest friends, LaDonna and Jill, hosted a shower for us just two weeks ago. My Bunko group and some old church friends came to that one. (Yes, I play Bunko! You can stop laughing now. It's a lot of fun and night out for mom!) Again XuXu had everyone charmed. She got Jill to play in a small plastic children's play house with her (Jill has 3 kids) and had Ginger fetching her cheese. (Pretty much everyone was wrapped around her finger.) She was"Oohing" and "Ahhing" over the gifts and even trying on some of the clothes. Her drawers are bursting now. I think she can wear a different outfit almost every day by mixing and matching. Perfect for a mom who is a complete clothes horse. Bill teases me about enjoying my dress up doll. Here is the group photo from this shower.



Well that is all of the showers... thank you so much for all the love everyone... now on to the SIBLINGS!

Zion and XuXu, they are so cute together... most of the time, but I think that the honeymoon is over and sibling rivalry is rearing it's ugly head. Don't get me wrong, I think Zion is doing an amazing job for a kid who was the star of the show for over seven years of his life. However... Zion did say a few weeks ago "You don't love me anymore now that she's here." (Sure twist the knife a little more kid... I'm already feeling bad about and missing the lost one on one time with him.) So I asked him how I could reassure him that I still loved him. He said "Make a sign and put it on my door with nails so that it will never come down!" (Makes your heart break doesn't it.) So I made a sign for his door.

I do always love him, but he has really been testing that in the last couple of weeks with his behavior, especially towards mom and dad. I'm trying to encourage him to be the hero big brother and not the torturer big brother. It works much of the time. (Here are some cute Zion and XuXu moments.)






XuXu is adjusting so smoothly, that I'm surprised about it. She has had to adjust kind of in the opposite way as Zion has. From being one of many... to being home alone with mom most of the day. XuXu has her fair share of "moments" too, though. Like trying to push Zion off of my lap when I'm holding him, or screaming at him when she wants what he has. But mostly she loves her big brother. "Brother" is one of her first English words. (FYI...she says "Mama, Dada, brother, bubble, dog, ball, doll, bye bye, hi, sock, sit, look and no". And can say "more, please and all done" in sign language.) At Zion's school performance a couple of weeks ago, she would yell out "braahhh daaahh" and reach for the stage whenever she saw him. Adorable... except that we were in a auditorium full of parents trying to video tape their kid's performance. It's a whole new world doing things with a toddler again.

Which brings me to adjustment... Like I said XuXu is adjusting smoothly, but I'm a whole other story. Finding a rhythm for just getting the day to day things done is a challenge I have yet to complete. Having two kids schedules and needs to deal with is so different than one. (All of you with more than one kid are nodding and smiling... aren't you.) I have to say that I'm beat and sometimes more than frustrated. My friend Lou told me that there is and old adage that says, "One is like none and two is like ten." It sure feels that way to me sometimes. It hasn't been all bliss and joy for me yet, and I do feel guilty about that especially when I hoped and prayed for her for so long. She is sweet and cute and wonderful and I love her. But life is different... and I'm working on adjusting.

5 comments:

Unknown said...

Amy, sometimes I think we are living a parallel life! Peter said exactly the same thing (you don't love me anymore), except his happened when we were in China still. Then a few months later, Caroline pushed him off Rick's lap in a fit of jealousy. She is also loud and calls out to him and embarrasses him. Sigh.

And your friend is right. One is like none and two is like ten. Peter was a breeze. He had no siblings to fight with, he was like a little adult most of the time and easy-going...until his sister came along. Then he became a kid and completely surprised me!

We are going out of town this weekend, but I PROMISE I will email when we get back and get a day to get together.

Teresa

Denise said...

OH, our 5 year old is also having a rough time adjusting to having a sister. He told my husband that I loved Maggie more than him...breaks my heart, because I tell him I love him all the time. Having had 4 children already, I know that time and lots of reassurance will help. Maggie also likes to push him off of my lap, which doesn't help much.

Don't worry about not feeling the joy. We have gone from 4-5 kids and I am totally overwhelmed at times. I am constantly reminding myself that each day we are moving towards a new "normal" and that is ok.

So, you are not alone! I am praying for you, for sibling adjustments and for your little girl to continue to flourish in her new home.

Blessings~

Carla Lewter said...

Just wanted to share that everything you posted about was the same for us. We also have a 7 year old son and just celebrated our 6 month Gotchas with Charlotte. We had a rough couple of months with Ethan adjusting as well. The first 2 months were good, the next 2 very trying, but we have turned the corner again and now they are just regular old siblings. He is great with her and loves to wrestle and tickle like a big bro should. But of course he also has his moments where he does not want to be bothered. I am the big sis too, so that has made it easier for me to relate to him, and talk about it. And you are so right about going from 1 to 2 kids, HUGE change. Don't feel bad, everyone is still adjusting and I would venture to say the sheer exhaustion from the trip is not gone yet. I think it was a good 10-12 weeks before I felt like myself again. You have a beautiful family and Xu Xu is such a cutie.

In Him,
Carla Lewter

Alycia Lee said...

You go gurl! Man you have been through and accomplished so much, I feel like I have been standing still after reading your blog. Rest when you can and write when you have energy if ever.

I love the story about the sign for Zion. It is hard being the oldest and having to give up being the center of your parent's universe. I know it was a hard pill for me to swallow and you handled it with so much care, compassion and beauty. You rock as a mom, you are amazing and take my breath away. I miss, celebrate and love you from Amsterdam.

Redmom2005 said...

Wow!! What a GREAT update!! No wonder you haven't posted for a while....have you been busy or WHAT?!!

Thanks for sharing all the wonderful pictures!! XuXu is quite the little princess!!

Erin